“I’m too farty to go to salsa class tonight…because I had a second lunch out nervousness..so I’ll just stay home and watch documentaries.”

—Actual Journal Entry, 2015

*Going to work

*Going home

*Sitting on the couch and sulking in a state of despondency because of a lack of social stimulation

*Exploring my poverty and aimlessness

*Walking around London

*Spying on couples

*Rating other people’s parenting skills

*Rearranging my toiletries

*Rediscovering cocoa butter—it’s cheap, natural and doesn’t work. The problem with cocoa butter is that it quickly turns into popcorn butter when left in a slightly warm pocket for more than ten minutes.

*Walking around London slightly stoned and writing in notebooks

*Riding the Tube

*Riding the bus and counting items of garbage that have been thrown about on the top deck

*Avoiding stand up

*Cleaning out my soap dish

*Joining an Online Dating site to get over crippling fear of meeting people of the opposite sex

*Night terrors

*Racing thoughts (You don’t realize how much of an entertainment system you are carrying around in your own head)

*Insomnia

*Dating people of the opposite sex

*Wishing I were gay

*Obsessing about the possibility of being alone forever

*Crippling isolation

*Challenging myself to beat my personal best record for loneliness

*Drinking on the bus

*Dating (only online)

*Taking random workshops but doing nothing with what I’ve learned (NOTE: I will never take a creative writing workshop again. The lady was mean to me—with her eyes.)

*Watching back to back episodes of “Come Dine With Me”—one of the greatest things to come out of Britain since it’s navy

*Joining a Greek choir class with five other people who were interested in obscure Greek music

*Random dance classes

*Trying to figure out why I am not doing comedy and maybe thinking about doing comedy again

*Joining Meetup

*Dating and not laughing about it

*Hiking

*Doing a little tiny bit of sketch

*Doing a little tiny bit of storytelling

*Daydreaming about going to teach English overseas

*Daydreaming about doing comedy

*Going to music gigs

*Deciding at some point that I’ll one day be doing comedy again, but not sure when

*Watching astrology videos and obsessing over Mercury Retrograde

*Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions—both on the phone and in person

*Taking Improv classes, and then joining a group

*Discovering ghosting

*Sometimes doing a bit of traveling, but nowhere near enough

*Deciding to do stand up again

*Spending a year and a half getting myself mentally ready to start doing stand up again (I still ain’t ready)

What can I say? It was a medley.