Before I continue posting directly about the process of recalibrating towards The Dream, I should probably address the chasm of expression that has been the month of December.

Back in November I started the blog off right—with enthusiasm and some form of consistency. Then….

So here I am on the eve of 2018 feeling like I gotta’ lotta’ ‘splainin’ to do.

I think I know what sidetracked me– a few things. It’s always a few things.

1- I tried to link my blog to a facebook fan page. I thought it would be the beginning of a new chapter of self promotion and “gettin’” myself “out there”. After all, it would be better if somebody saw the blog at some point. I boldly invited FIVE WHOLE PEOPLE to like the page. That was a first for me. All five liked it. That made me feel good. Until I realized that liking the page did not mean that the likers would automatically be directed to the blog site. They weren’t. I learned of this disappointment when my mother (one of the five likers) said she got directed to the blog address and that was all that happened. Oh. Needless to say, I was devastated. I tried several times to find a solution but have yet to do so. I should note here that I refuse to do the sensible thing and just promote my blog off my own facebook page because I can’t handle the idea of promoting anything I do to all the people (some from high school or previous jobs) on my facebook page. I have exposure issues, to be sure. Working on it.

2- And this is related to the first thing that sidetracked me. I didn’t want to keep posting and posting and end up with a book’s worth of posts that nobody had seen.

3- I’ve just had a lot of other things to do and a lot on my mind. I know, LAME! Lame but true. Explanation: See the next item.

4- Back in September, my whole world came crashing down when my dad—the best, most awesomest dude on the planet, died suddenly and unexpectedly. Losing him was horrible in so many ways, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

When I found out my dad was ill (back in August), I made a plan to give notice, say goodbye to the UK for a while, and move back to Washington, DC, to help him convalesce. Unfortunately, I never got the chance. He died about an hour before I got on the plane to come see him. It sucked. That flight sucked. Leaving the UK sucked. Coming back to the US sucked. Everything sucked. And three months later, here I am. Living in the apartment I grew up in. With all the same furniture and dishes and everything. Everything except the best thing. Yeah, it sucks. But it is what it is and I’m trying to make the best of it.

Anyway, I’m writing this as a way of coming clean. I’ve felt like an imposter writing a blog about this story that hasn’t included this latest game changer. And it’s been causing me a lot of angst because I look at things I want to write about, stuff I thought up months ago, that came from a different person. Or at least a different version of that person. It’s still me but shit is real on a whole different level now. Okay, glad that’s out.

So, I moved back here to DC, dealt with the initial shock of the whole ordeal, and just decided at some point that I had to do something with myself. I had started working on the blog idea a while ago back in London. I’m so glad I had because had I not had at least a preliminary idea of what I wanted to do, it probably would have gotten totally subsumed by grief, shock, depression, etc. I also decided I should try to get back into acting. There are a lot of opportunites for that kind of work here. I did some acting here years ago and liked it. So, what the hell. Plus, it’s adjacent to comedy so it will be harder to run away from. Hopefully.

Needless to say, moving to a place, or back to a place, and trying to get a new/old career going is time consuming and draining. Especially when you’re at the same time grieving the loss of someone you have adored your entire life. I’ve just felt mostly numb and pretty unraveled for the last three months. So I guess it’s not a mystery why I kind of got quiet for a bit.

Okay, enough fucking confessing.

Before I go, I just want to say two things.

1- I have no desire to use this blog space to make a tribute to my dad. It just wouldn’t do him justice, and, besides, nobody’s reading it….yet.

2- I just have to say that my dad was a kind, talented, unique, funny, spirited individual with a heart the size of Jupiter. He thought his own thoughts, played by his own rules and never stepped on a single person in order to advance himself. He was not conventional. He was not a billionaire. He was not perfect. What he was was an unforgettable-larger-than-life-one-of-a-kind mold breaker who touched a lot people, especially me. I’m his only kid. He poured his entire soul into being my dad, and he always gave me his best advice and his highest encouragement. I just wish I had followed more of the advice and used more of the encouragement. But I guess there’s still time, so that’s what I plan to do.

NOTE: The above is not a tribute. It’s a bit of data entry.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Peace and Love.

Fuck 2017.

Out.